So in my first “Why Most Wives Don’t Want Sex” Article, we explored some “surface” reasons as to why wives don’t enjoy sex in their marriage. But in this article, I want to get down to the core reasons that most wives don’t want to admit to.
Some women say, “I just don’t need sex. I don’t desire it.” That is a bold-faced lie. Women desire sex and romance just like men do. We are all sexual beings. Case in point: Married women are the main consumers for steamy romance novels, personal sex toys, and romantic movies wishing that was their life. So wives still do desire sex.
Other women would argue that marriage is NOT about sex: it’s about commitment and love and respecting each other… oh, and the kids. Who made that crap up? Marriage IS about sex… and commitment and love and respecting each other. They are all intertwined. If marriage wasn’t about sex, a person would not get upset if their spouse had casual sex with another person.
Sex is the highest form of intimacy and pleasure. It is the ultimate bond of two bodies, the intertwining and fusion of two souls. Who would not want that with their spouse… with the one that they chose to spend the rest of their life with? We should want that love connection regularly. Husbands and wives NEED that connection of intimacy and pleasure regularly. That’s why quickies are so awesome! You can’t always have a long romantic saga, but you can have a little fast naughty fun, connect with each and get some stress relief all at the same time.
So what is the real reason that most wives don’t want sex?
Wives become depressed, dissatisfied and unfulfilled because we view our husbands and children as the chains of bondage that are keeping us from our happiness, dreams, and freedom!
Man, that sounds so ugly! What woman wants to admit that? But I guarantee you that if a woman who has a loving family says she feels depressed because she is “losing herself” or has no time for herself because of her duties at home; then the bottom line is that she feels that her husband and children are keeping her from living. And that is the honest, albeit very painful truth. I know first hand: I couldn’t enjoy my marriage for years because I thought I killed my dreams with marriage and each child I had was another nail in the coffin. And I have 6 children, so in my mind that coffin was sealed pretty tight!
Let’s break it down:
1) With many wives, being a mom becomes a chore and sex with our husbands, a duty to perform. We convince ourselves that we have to live our lives for our families. Our husband wants sex so we have to give it to him. Our children need all of our attention so we exert all of our energy giving it to them. The house needs to be cleaned and the meals prepared, so we exhaust ourselves making sure these things get done. But at the end of the day, anyone who feels like their freedom is being taken away will begin to feel resentment and rebel. Most wives though feel like they can’t possibly deny the children. Thus, no sex with husband. What the wife doesn’t recognize though is that denying her husband is denying herself. She is self-destructing without even realizing it.
2) A lot of women get married thinking that their husbands are their knight-in-shining armor. But the more they see their husbands’ flaws, the more discouraged they get. They had all of these prerequisites in their mind that they wanted their husband to have, and when he falls short, their “dreams” come crashing down. So instead of being thankful for pleasant qualities that he does have, the wife complains about the areas she wants him to change in. And when he doesn’t change, she feels hurt and betrayed because she feels he owes her for all the sacrifices she’s made for him.
3) Most wives don’t realize that it wasn’t marriage that they originally wanted: it was companionship. She wanted the fairy-tale wedding and happily ever after, not building and growing together through thick and thin, for better and for worse. The world says wait until you finish school, build your financial empire and have all your personal accomplishments taken care of before you get married. Maybe the wife tried to convince herself that she could prove the world wrong because she was in love. But now as her life is not going the way she originally planned, she is having regrets. She thinks, “Maybe the world was right.” But the truth is that, people can be married young, grow as individuals while building their lives together, have families and enjoy life to the fullest.
Please understand that although many wives have these feelings, divorce and a broken home is not the change that they want. It’s not that they want their family to just die and not exist anymore either. What wives want is to feel like they can be personally fulfilled and enjoy life as a wife and mom. But it is only when wives accept the ugly truth of how they really feel about their life and family, that they can finally begin the ongoing journey to healing, growth and joyful satisfaction with their life.
Moral of the story: Wives, It is our own thoughts and feelings that are keeping us bound, not our husbands and children. When we realize that we are to simply live life for ourselves while embracing our decision to share our life with whomever we choose to share it with, everything that we do whether in word or deed can be done with a thankful heart, not grudgingly.
So, Wife, go grab your husband for a quickie. Enjoy yourself and get some sexual healing!